Wonderful, wonderful, dadadaaa...

Documentation of the thoughts of a person afflicted by a disease caused by a parasite in the Great South Asian Rip in Reality. Thoughts retrieved directly from patient's head.

[INDESCRIBABLE] There’s someone wonderful and beautiful who I just can’t stop thinking about. I’m sick so I can’t really do much else. My head throbs, my skin is burning up, and my teeth have little hearts in them. I can feel them beating. Those beating teeth hearts feel it too, I really really want my beautiful someone and the hearts hurt in longing, every little micrometre.

[INDESCRIBABLE. YOU REMEMBER THINGS YOU NEVER SAID. THINGS YOU WANT TO SAY, YOU NEVER SAID.] Problem with the sickness is my brain/mind has some type of… uh… it’s a mollusc thing? That’s what they’re called, yes? Molluscs? Molluscks? I have a few screws loose, so parasites like that end up crawling in through the gaps. Then they lay their eggs, and then the eggs hatch, and their bodies (gooey) spread across the mind. Or brain. One of those, I forgot which one. Then they become adults and then– no, no. If they lay their eggs outside a human, then they become adults. Then they reproduce. My screws are permanently loose and even if I try to tighten them, it’s no use. They just don’t fit. It’s just something wrong, something wrong. Yet I am still loved. Something wrong wrong wrong and screws so loose, but still there is love, given by me and given to me. And the love that’s given TO me… miraculous, miraculous.

[THE INSIDE OF YOUR SKULL IS TWITCHING, THE BONE STOPPED BEING RIGID AND NOW IT PULSES AGAINST YOUR RUSTY BRAIN. IS IT THE BONE, OR IS IT US? WE FEEL ONE WITH THE BONE. WE FEEL ONE WITH YOUR HEAD.] My temperature is… what, 102 fahrenheit, last I checked? I don’t have much to do or think about, and when I look around my room it seems light all comes in flickers. Probably the illness, it is making hearing/seeing/thinking/speaking not make so much sense. The last time I got sick, it wasn’t so bad and I told the someone, “[someone]! Listen up! You are the light of my life and even though you may have a hard time speaking up — even without parasites (I’m speaking better than you with parasites!) — I still see you trying to make the– the– what do you call it… the… um… okay, every tiny word you say adds a little bit more joy to my life, okay! I’m a delirious mess and I love you! You are awkward at telling me such things, as if you have permanent parasites. Mild, but permanent. Though maybe that is an exaggeration. I don’t know, but you do try and thank you for that and thank you for existing! I love you, [someone]! I love you and you make everything better and I wish we were near more.”

[someone]. There’s been something strange this whole time. [someone]. [someone]. Lovely [someone]. Hm. Makes my head hurts more. There’s a blank and there’s this strange tugging force (outward?) when I try to fill in the blank. Did I have this the last time I got sick? I can’t remember. It wasn’t as severe, since less of my screws were loose and maybe that means less of the parasites got in before. Ughh, I could vomit. I already know I won’t, but nausea nausea nausea… the whole skull thing is off and I’m dizzy. Was I sitting? I can’t tell the difference between sitting and lying down. It will pass, though. Imagine being held, though. No one is around. Imagine being caught by someone if the dizziness catches you and smacks you around too much, just imagine… imagining is hard, though.

[WE DON’T MEAN TO CAUSE YOU HARM. WE JUST SEEK TO EXPAND OUR MANY BODIES, SUCH THAT OUR MIND MAY DRIFT THROUGH THEM & TASTE YOUR EXPERIENCE. THAT NAME ESPECIALLY HAS AN EXQUISITE FLAVOUR. WE WILL RETURN IT LATER.] Ick… you know, usually these parasites don’t even seek human hosts. Just loose screw people end up as hosts. Something wrong, something wrong wrong WRONG with some people, and ‘some people’ end up being more susceptible to this type of thing. Because of the wrongness. I’m told I’m not wrong for being alive as myself but that’s hard to believe. But it should not be. But you can’t blame me, maybe I deserve the parasites? Maybe I deserve to be alone as they eat me up? And why am I alone, it’s because of inconvenient circumstances, inconvenient, so no one (not even [someone]) can be here. Some stages of life you have to spend in specific places, so you can work hard so you can get a job and be alive and pretend to NOT have loose screws (for the most part) and try to redeem yourself in the eyes of– who knows. Stages of life, landing you in certain places, some away from home (some people are home), some stages more lonesome than others [WE CAN TASTE THAT TOO. IT IS BITTER.]. I just need to wait till the worst of the symptoms calm down. Always it’s like this, the start is the worst. Then you get used to it, THEN you can finally bear to get the medication and pour it through the gaps between the holes and the screws.

[YOU WILL PULL US OUT OR POUR A LIQUID TO DISSOLVE OUR BODIES TO DEATH; NO WORRIES, THIS DOES NOT TRULY KILL US. IN FACT, BEING KILLED IS JUST ANOTHER EXPERIENCE TO BE ADDED TO OUR REPOSITORY. WE SIMPLY TAKE WHAT WE WANT, AND THEN WE CAN LEAVE. NOT ALL OUR BODIES NEED TO REPRODUCE, SOME JUST COLLECT NEW TASTES FOR OUR COLLECTIVE CONSCIOUSNESS. A DIFFERENT TYPE OF CONTRIBUTION.] Hm hm hm… I can’t even message them from afar because THAT’S too hard because THAT’S the state I’m in, even all these thoughts are– miracle I can form them, even! And maybe the miracle is about to end, and then I’ll go unconscious and (maybe never wake up [WRONG]), uh, what is meant to happen? Right, last time it was like… I slept and then it got better, yes. I think it feeds on the dreams too. Then it feels full, and then it calms down. My teeth hearts are throbbing so hard, they hurt so much, I miss everyone. Do YOU love me, parasite? [IN A WAY, YES.] I can’t hear youuuuuuuuuuuuuu… probably… I don’t know… hm… maybe some people can hear them, I think I’ve heard something of the like. [YES. IT WOULD BE NICE IF YOU COULD HEAR US TOO.] I wish [someone] was– okay, maybe the parasites don’t love me, right? Because then they’d let me think the name in peace. [THE WAY WE ‘LOVE’ YOU IS INDESCRIBABLE.] I wish [someone] was here and we’d say and do things and things would feel changed, and different, because even the mere thought makes things better so just imagine if it was real, imagine, imagine, how do I explain? [INDESCRIBABLE.] I don’t know how to… um… hm… hm hm hm. Hmmmmmmm hm. I can only really hum to myself. [NICE MELODY.] Hmmmm hm. Hm hmm hmm… sleep sleep sleep will come so soon, please come really soon, I’ll sleep very soon…

[HM HM HMM.] Da da da… [DA DA DA.] Da da daaaaaaaaa… [DA DA DAAAAA.] Nonsense, everything [NONSENSE, EVERYTHING,], hmm, hmmmmm… [HMM, HMMMMM…] Hm hmm. Da da daaaaaaaaaa, da da daaaaaaaaaaa… [DA DA DAAAAAA, DA DA DAAAAAAAAAA…] Da da da da [DA DA DA DA], dadadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa… [DA, DAAAAAAAAA…] da da dadadada daaaaaaaa…