My throat is jammed with a lump that doesn’t get the hint that it needs to leave, even though I’ve tried to gulp it down 23 times by now. Let me try a 24th? No. No, it doesn’t work. I’m hungry, but the lump makes it hard to eat. It doesn’t hurt, because the lump is honestly quite incompetent at its job of ruining my day, but it is a little uncomfortable. Then again, most things about being alive are uncomfortable. Why wouldn’t they be? I have a layer of spikes embedded beneath my skin, running through the middle of the dermis. Every day I feel them under the surface, like tectonic plates beneath the continents. Each movement makes me aware of them, even if it’s only in the back of my mind. I can try to ignore it as much as I want, but it will always lurk and I’ll always be squirming.
"The threat is always there, but the will to do something about it is also ever-present". This is not the conventional sort of comfort, but it feels like one, just to see this sentiment put to words. The days fall apart but at least the bits and pieces are there, at least there's that. Yesterday I wrote to see if I still can and I can, so that's something. The disconnected dance of days/papers/attempts at comprehending has something to it, too.
I did not realise until this comment that there was comfort in that sentence because I found that tendency to be agonizing; an attempt to do something I have no energy to do.
But yeah, it IS comforting. Tenacity doesn't need to be conscious. Sometimes it's subconscious in a way which CONFUSES the conscious mind.
"The threat is always there, but the will to do something about it is also ever-present". This is not the conventional sort of comfort, but it feels like one, just to see this sentiment put to words. The days fall apart but at least the bits and pieces are there, at least there's that. Yesterday I wrote to see if I still can and I can, so that's something. The disconnected dance of days/papers/attempts at comprehending has something to it, too.
I did not realise until this comment that there was comfort in that sentence because I found that tendency to be agonizing; an attempt to do something I have no energy to do.
But yeah, it IS comforting. Tenacity doesn't need to be conscious. Sometimes it's subconscious in a way which CONFUSES the conscious mind.