no progress possible
Sheer dread flash fiction, again.
[stagnancy chokes and suffocates and sucks up all the air in your lungs, sucks it straight out your mouth and nose; stagnancy will kill, you must move or die.]
Everything is foggy, but I know I was trying to return home for the holidays. But there was something wrong with that flight. Maybe something wrong with the plane. Because I did not end up in [?] City, I ended up in a new world of softlocks. Every turn I take, nothing progresses, but life has the illusion of going on. All softlocks, all softlocks. It's just… there's just these images which are supposed to be familiar. And I guess they are? But no, no, this isn't a good replica, this isn't a good replica at all, I don’t think they– the puppetmasters fucked up, man.
I mean, it’s already blindingly obvious that everyone is being governed by puppet strings, yes? I’m not sure when it started, and I’m not sure when I noticed, and I’m not sure if it was going on before I even started seeing it, but when you DO see it it’s so, so obvious. For example, there’s a little friend group right over there and I just looked in a certain direction and they were going a different direction before but THEN they started going in the direction which I was looking at, isn’t that weird?! and, And, AND I saw something in the corner of my eye too. These things were ALWAYS THERE but an outsider put SOMETHING into everyone in this FAKE CITY, and that ‘something’ is the puppet strings, and that is making everyone GRAVITATE towards a center: the center of the earth, literally, because there’s tunnels. There’s tunnels. I found one the other day but I didn’t dare go closer to it, because I could just feel something was wrong with it, and it definitely leads someplace, and that ‘place’ is probably (maybe not?) the centre of the earth, and you know what? I SHOULD’VE gone in. EVERYONE is being compelled to go near it and I bet some of them KNOW it too. AND I BET some of them— even YOU — already know what’s actually GOING ON within those fucking tunnels, but no one is letting me in on it because the puppet masters won’t LET YOU.
Some of my friends have called me paranoid before but it’s not REALLY paranoia, is it? Because paranoia is when you’re suspicious for irrational reasons. My reasons are NOT irrational, they are backed up by EVIDENCE. I’ll figure out what it is later when I’m less tired (the tunnels ARE there, we can check together NOW if you want & I’ll go inside too if you say), but I’m CORRECT. I am correct.
[what are your beliefs and which ones are right and why do some persist in spite of logic, why do some persist when they make no sense?
it’s weird for the familiar to seem unfamiliar and for the unknown to seem like knowledge which had been planted long ago into your noggin by some outsider, some outsider making it all– who, what sense does it make?]
Anyway, I fell asleep in the flight, and I think that’s when they installed the puppet strings. Yes, yes, in ME as well! That’s why I’m softlocked! But first let me explain the installation of the strings. You know, I got on the flight and got the vibe that the flight attendants here were genuinely nice. I know it’s their job to be pleasant, but also, these ones? They had a rapport with each other and with the people at the back of the plane (that’s where my seat as too) and with the workers who brought in some new supplies. And and and in this fake city my skin is suddenly very dry, very DRY very very dry for no fucking reason at all and THAT IS BECAUSE of the installation of the puppet strings and I KNOW this because it’s on my hand, on select parts of my legs, it’s the worst on SELECT PORTIONS which the puppetmasters would NEED to control us all. I haven’t examined anyone else’s bodies but I bet the puppetmasters just fucked up with me specifically and that’s why there’s evidence. In the skin. On the skin, actually, but I feel it inside too.
[who do you know, what do you know about anyone and when have you ever really known anyone?]
[“seeing intentions where there are none,” but perhaps you’re right because there’s no PROOF that they all DON’T have intentions and you’re correct, you’re correct, you’re CORRECT they’re KILLING you they did this one purpose they did they did they did]
Do they want people to come to this strange place? If so, no wonder they needed to add the puppet strings. I don’t know why anyone would want to stay here for long. Everything looks so wrong. Why are the trees and autos fluorescent? Why does this city choke you MORE than other cities? See, maybe whoever made this place overcompensated. They heard that cities choke you and that cities are bright and that cities are lonely, so they made this counterfeit MORE suffocating and MORE eye-burning and EVEN MORE heart-wrenchingly lonely than any city has any right to be! So suffocating you can feel the lack of oxygen in your muscles as you try to walk around and the brightness paralyzes you, stuns you into helplessness, and the loneliness rips you away from anyone who could help you or make you see there’s anything more, anything new, anything worth striving for.
The softlocks, man, the softlocks. I was making some progress in life, yes? But all of that has been… not shattered, but I have been stopped. And it’s because of this place. Because of this place. I don't even remember which holiday I came for. It was summer in the place I came from, and it's supposed to be summer in [?] too. But it's not. It's not anything. Summer means it’s hotter than the season before and after. Winter means it’s colder. But there was never any change here. It’s all stagnant. There’s stagnant water in the pits even though there was never any rain and it’s all breeding grounds for mosquitoes, stagnant water means mosquitoes have a safe haven to lay their eggs (and what’s my haven?) and then dengue and malaria will spread. Disease will spread. Stagnancy. It’s all stagnant and the blood is going to get– it’s the flight of the– it’s the fault of the flight attendants. Or whoever commanded it. Even if someone made them do it, where are their hearts? Why didn’t they oppose it? Why would they do this to me? But I guess I can’t blame them. The puppetmaster actually succeeded when it came to implanting the strings in them, but didn’t succeed when it came to me. Why? Why can’t I even be puppeted properly, am I just THAT inherently broken? Is that just a fact which has been true forever and- why even ask. There’s no moving forward, there’s no moving forward, there’s no moving forward. It’s always been that way and everything has been the way it is forever and it has never changed, and it’s- summer means it is hotter and winter means it’s colder and BOTH imply CHANGE BUT NO, this is all there ever was and all there ever is and there’s the illusion of going forward but no nonono no no no,beneath the illusion this is all there is.
Here’s my Linktree to see my other stuff (art & music & animation) as well. And also a new remix of a song of mine, because the despair matches this piece well.